Culture - Facets of Kindness and Relationships
- Tom Iselin
- Oct 13, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 17, 2025
Culture - Facets of Kindness and Relationships
In this video and blog, you’ll learn about two essential cultural facets every nonprofit organization should embrace: deepening personal relationships and leading with kindness and caring. These facets are especially important in small organizations, where trust, connection, and mutual support are critical to success.
Remember, people like to do business with people they like, trust, know—and care about.
Today, I want to focus on two more facets of culture:
Getting personal
Kindness and caring
Or, as the title suggests, Culture: Facets of Kindness and Relationships.
Why Relationships Matter in Nonprofit Culture
If you spend enough time in the nonprofit world, one thing becomes clear: successful nonprofits cultivate cultures that value close personal relationships.
The result is a team-oriented environment that is:
Fun
Friendly
Resilient
Supportive during challenging times
“Getting personal” is a critical cultural facet because relationships play an outsized role in nonprofit success—especially in emerging organizations where staff and board numbers are small.
Small Teams Make Culture Impossible to Fake
When you have a staff of six sharing a 20x15 office, it’s nearly impossible to hide irritations, quirks, or character flaws. Over time, everyone’s true nature surfaces.
The last thing a small, busy nonprofit needs is to drain its limited resources managing personal drama or passive-aggressive behavior. Strong relationships reduce friction and increase trust.
How to Deepen Personal Relationships
One of the most effective ways to build relationships is by creating opportunities for people to connect outside of formal work settings.
Ideas include:
Hosting a picnic instead of a restaurant lunch
Holding a board meeting at a board member’s home
Starting a meeting with a wine tasting or informal social time
Taking a group field trip to a fair, museum, or sporting event
Volunteering together for another nonprofit
These shared experiences help people relax, connect, and see each other as human beings—not just roles.
A Leadership Reminder: Let Go of Control
If you’re in a leadership role, challenge yourself to step back during social or offsite activities.
The goal is not to manage—it’s to connect.
Talk less.Laugh more.Go with the flow.
If people feel like they’re still “at work” while bowling or hiking, you’ve missed the point.
Using Personal Questions to Build Connection
One of my favorite ways to deepen relationships is by asking light, personal questions during natural moments—morning meetings, team lunches, or even at the top of a hill during a group mountain bike ride.
Timing matters. Questions should feel organic, not interrogative.
Some of my favorites include:
What is your favorite hobby?
What’s one of your quirky habits?
What is the most unusual pet you’ve ever had?
What is your funniest high school memory?
When everyone shares, laughter follows—and so does connection.
Why Kindness and Caring Belong in Your Culture
Another essential cultural facet is kindness and caring.
Life is unpredictable. People get sick. Families struggle. Cars break down. Loved ones pass away. These realities don’t stop at the office door.
A kind and caring culture creates a neighborly environment where people help one another when life gets hard.
Examples include:
Board members delivering meals to a sick colleague
Helping a staff member navigate home loan paperwork
A volunteer jump-starting an intern’s car
Offering support during illness, trauma, or loss
These gestures may seem small—but they mean everything to the person receiving them.
A Question Worth Asking
Here’s a question worth sitting with:
Do you show as much care for your staff and board members as you do for the people you serve?
Interesting to think about, isn’t it?
Kindness Builds Safety and Stability
A kind and caring culture may feel old-fashioned, but it creates an environment where people feel:
Safe
Valued
Appreciated
Supported
No, you don’t need a Leave It to Beaver workplace. But you can create a culture where people know that if life hands them lemons, a team of caring people is nearby—ready to help turn them into lemonade.
Culture Starts With the Right Questions
When building culture, you must answer fundamental questions:
What does it mean to be part of this organization?
What guiding beliefs should we follow?
What standards should we uphold?
What behaviors should we model?
The cultural facets you choose should reflect your answers.
Takeaways
Strong nonprofit cultures are built on:
Genuine personal relationships
Shared experiences beyond formal work
Leadership that prioritizes connection
Kindness and care during life’s challenges
Relationships and compassion are not “soft” values—they are strategic strengths.
Summary
A culture rooted in strong relationships and kindness creates stability, resilience, and trust. When people feel known and cared for, they show up with greater commitment and heart.
Set aside time regularly to deepen relationships and reinforce kindness. The stronger the bonds among the people closest to your nonprofit, the stronger and more enduring your culture will be.
About the Author
Tom Iselin is recognized as one of America’s leading authorities on high-performance nonprofits. He has built nine sector-leading nonprofits and two software companies, written six books, sits on multiple boards, and has been rated one of America’s Best Board Retreat and Strategic Planning Facilitators. His work on nonprofit strategy, board leadership, and culture has been featured on CNN, Nightline, and in Newsweek.
Tom is the president of First Things First, a firm specializing in board retreats, strategic planning services, fundraising strategy, and executive coaching for nonprofit CEOs.
Board Retreats & Strategic Planning
If you’re looking for a board retreat facilitator or strategic planning facilitator who has been in the trenches and understands real-world nonprofit challenges, Tom can help your board gain clarity, build alignment, and create an actionable plan that improves performance and impact. His sessions propel organizations to the next level of performance and impact . . . and they're fun!
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