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Don't Wait! Here's How to Deal with Rude, Disruptive, and Disengaged Board Members

Updated: Apr 25

Board member ousted

Don't Wait! Here's How to Deal with Rude, Disruptive, and Disengaged Board Members

Overview We bring on board members with high hopes and expectations. They tell us they have a passion for the mission and want to help. They gladly sign the roles and responsibilities agreement. At a minimum, it states they will attend meetings, volunteer at events and programs, make a financial gift, support the fundraising efforts of the organization, take part in strategic planning sessions, and be an ambassador of the cause around town.

We believe them. We trust them . . . so we nominate them, orientate them, applaud their approval, toast to their joining, announce their arrival to our supporters in a newsletter, and give them everything they need to be engaged, high-impact board members.

All is good—for a while. But then, there’s always “that one.” The bad egg. For them, the shiny facade of board membership begins to fade and the member’s true colors start to emerge. Nice Dr. Jekel turns into ghoulish Mr. Hyde. Sometimes they are conversation hijackers, or meeting dominators, or they steamroll anyone who dares to challenge them. They can be defensive, divisive, disrespectful, unreasonable, intolerable, and rude. They can have huge egos with narcissistic personalities. They are disruptive to board work. They erode culture. And yes, sometimes they are just jerks and asses.

Some bad eggs aren’t rude or disruptive, they’re just disengaged. They think nothing of blowing off meetings, showing up late to events, making a token donation (or none at all), and ignoring emails. They’re quick to say board members are “volunteers” and that all the work should be done by staff because staff is paid to do the work. They require constant prodding and provide little value. We wonder, “Why is this person even on the board?”

We’ve all have board members like this, but how do you deal with these nightmares? Well, it’s not easy and you must handle it delicately. Here are a few things you can do:

1. Rally other board members, hopefully a board majority, to champion your efforts to deal with the board member. Call a private meeting, have a conference call, or a Zoom call to discuss a plan of action.

2. Develop and execute a simple "accountability policy" to address the board member’s actions and behaviors. This policy should follow a very specific process. For example, a disruptive board member might first get a call from the board chair. For a second offense, they might receive a letter from the executive committee. For the third offense, they might have to meet with the executive committee. For the fourth offense, the board chair might ask the member to resign — gracefully, of course.

Or, for board members who are disengaged but not disruptive, the board chair might offer the member a chance to migrate to different role (e.g., committee member, advisory board, honorary board, or program volunteer).

3. Whether you ask a member to resign or migrate to a different role, you want to manage the process and conversations tactfully and graciously. Remember, your brand is at stake. If a board member leaves pissed off, they might start spreading rumors about how horrible your board and organization is. Not good.

If someone is asked to resign and does, you may want to have a farewell party, or acknowledge them for their service in some special way. A little validation will go a long way toward goodwill once they’re gone, or if they move into a different role.

Here are few things you can do before nominating a board memeber to lower your bad egg risk:

1. Have a “detailed” roles and responsibilities agreement. It should clearly outline participation requirements, obligations, and expectations of work, responsibilities, behavior, and attitudes. Review the agreement with the board member before they sign it. Have all board members review and sign the agreement each year.

2. Conduct due diligence on board members before nominating them. Make reference calls to other boards they’ve served on. Call people who have worked with the nominee.

3. Have a policy that requires board members to volunteer for 4 to 6 months before their full nomination goes to the board for a vote. This way, you can see how “authentically” passionate they are about the mission, and observe their actions, behavior, and character.

4. Have an accountability policy (see above) that outlines exactly what actions the board will take if a board member is not fulfilling his or her roles and responsibilities, or if they are disruptive, rude, disrespectful, or just have bad behavior. This policy, like your roles and responsibilities agreement, should be read and signed by each board member before they are nominated, and every year by all board members.

Final Thoughts

Keep in mind, good behavior begets good behavior. On my boards, we don’t tolerate any bad behavior or rude, disrespectful people, or deadbeat board members. It doesn't matter how long the board member has been a member, or how much money they've donated, or how many hours they've volunteered. We have a ZERO tolerance policy. It’s our CULTURE. And because of this, my boards are high-performing, badass boards that are engaged, effective, and have fun!

Your star board members are too busy doing noble work to get sidetracked by bad eggs. Therefore, I urge you to stand strong and do what is right, not what is convenient or easy. Rally your champions and start taking action today! The work you're doing is too important not to.

How to Deal with Rude, Disruptive, and Disengaged Board Members

BONUS: Free Accountability Policy Template! I’ll happily send you an Accountability Policy template. Simply send an email to and include your contact info. Put "Accountability Policy" in the subject line.

Additional Resources:

Tom Iselin

“Rated one of America’s 10 Best Retreat Facilitators”

Tom Iselin has built four sector-leading nonprofits and four foundations. He’s written six books, sits on six boards, and hosts a video blog and podcast. Each year, Tom speaks to more than 5,000 nonprofit leaders at conferences across the country. He is considered a leading authority on high-performance nonprofits, and his impact on the industry has been featured on CNN, Nightline, and in Newsweek. Tom is the president of First Things First, a business specializing in board retreats, strategic planning, fundraising, and executive coaching. To relax, he loves mountain biking, hiking, skiing, tennis, and baking.

If you’re in the hunt for one of the best board retreat/board development facilitators, or one of the best strategic planning facilitators, it would be a privilege to learn more about your organization and the aspirations you hope to achieve as you work to propel your noble mission. Jot me an email to set up a meet-and-greet call.

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