Here's How to Get Donors to Respond to Your Messages

Tom Iselin
Oct 19, 2018
4 min read

Updated: Dec 12, 2025

When writing donors, your copy should be compelling and inspiring. If it's not, they will toss it in the trash can. You want people to respond to your messages, right?! Well, here's one tip to remind you to "shout out" your messages.

Here's How to Get Donors to Respond to Your Messages

Have you ever felt like you did everything right to nurture a donor relationship—only to have the donor suddenly go quiet when it was time to make a gift?

I sure have.

In this post, I want to share one simple concept that will put this frustrating situation into perspective and help you respond with confidence instead of anxiety.

When a Donor Suddenly Stops Responding

Imagine you’re cultivating a $5,000 gift from a major donor.This is someone who used to return calls promptly, meet you for lunch, and engage enthusiastically with your mission.

Then—nothing.

No returned calls.No replies.Radio silence.

When I first started fundraising, my reaction to situations like this was almost always an overreaction. I’d immediately start questioning myself:

Did I say something wrong?
Did I do something wrong?
Have they decided to support another nonprofit?
Are they upset with me or the organization?

If you’ve ever had these thoughts, you’re not alone.

The Perspective Shift Every Fundraiser Needs

Here’s the truth I learned—and the lesson I want to share with you:

A donor’s willingness to give, and the size of their gift, may have nothing to do with you or your nonprofit—and everything to do with their circumstances.

Life happens.

Donors may go quiet because:

They’ve had an unexpected surgery
They’re buying or selling a home
They’re dealing with a major tax bill
They’re moving out of state
They’re navigating stress, grief, or depression

None of these things show up on your donor spreadsheet—but they absolutely affect giving behavior.

What to Do When Circumstances Are Out of Your Control

When you discover that a donor is facing change or adversity, your role shifts.

This is the moment to:

Express empathy and grace
Exercise patience
Ask how they’d like to stay connected
Keep the pressure off and turn the compassion on

When donors feel cared for as people—not just sources of funding—you build trust that lasts far beyond one gift.

And yes, over time, this approach wins hearts and generosity.

What You Should Sweat: The Things You Can Control

That said, fundraising isn’t entirely out of your hands.

While some factors are beyond your control, many are not—and these are the ones you should absolutely sweat.

Donors may stop giving because:

They weren’t thanked properly
They felt unappreciated
Communication was inconsistent or unreliable
They don’t understand the impact of their gift
Your emails feel impersonal or transactional

These issues have nothing to do with donor circumstances—and everything to do with donor experience.

Becoming a Standout Fundraiser

If you want to be exceptional at fundraising, focus relentlessly on what you can improve:

Donor relations
Customer service
Communication quality
Program impact reporting

You must consistently show donors:

That their gift matters
That it makes a real difference
That you care about them as individuals

Because when the donor experience is exceptional, donors stay loyal—and loyal donors give generously.

Key Takeaways

Donor silence often has nothing to do with you or your organization
Life circumstances frequently affect giving behavior
Respond to donor adversity with empathy, patience, and grace
Keep pressure low and relationships strong
Sweat the things you can control: gratitude, communication, reliability, and impact
Exceptional donor experiences create loyal, generous supporters

Summary

Here's How to Get Donors to Respond to Your Messages . . .

When a donor goes silent, resist the urge to panic.

Some things are out of your control—and that’s okay. What matters is how you respond. Lead with compassion when circumstances change, and excellence when they don’t.

The small things matter.Do more of them—even if it requires breaking a sweat now and then.

That’s how you build trust.That’s how you build loyalty.And that’s how you raise more money—without losing your sanity.

Tom Iselin

Rated One of America’s Best Board Retreat

and Strategic Planning Facilitators

About the Author

Tom Iselin is recognized as one of America’s leading authorities on high-performance nonprofits. He has built nine sector-leading nonprofits and two software companies, written six books, sits on multiple boards, and has been rated one of America’s Best Board Retreat and Strategic Planning Facilitators. His work on nonprofit strategy, board leadership, and culture has been featured on CNN, Nightline, and in Newsweek.

Tom is the president of First Things First, a firm specializing in board retreats, strategic planning services, fundraising strategy, and executive coaching for nonprofit CEOs.

Board Retreats & Strategic Planning

If you’re looking for a board retreat facilitator or strategic planning facilitator who has been in the trenches and understands real-world nonprofit challenges, Tom can help your board gain clarity, build alignment, and create an actionable plan that improves performance and impact. His sessions propel organizations to the next level of performance and impact . . . and they're fun!

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