When a Donor Goes Quiet: What to Do?

Tom Iselin
Nov 15, 2015
4 min read

Updated: Dec 13, 2025

Are you donors not responding to your calls and invitations? In this short video, learn about the things you should "sweat" and not sweat to keep donors happy and loyal.

When a Donor Goes Quiet: What to Do?

Have you ever felt like you did everything right to nurture a donor relationship—and they still didn’t make a gift?

I sure have.

In this short post, I want to share one simple but freeing concept that can help you stop second-guessing yourself, keep perspective, and ultimately become a stronger fundraiser.

When a Reliable Donor Suddenly Goes Silent

Picture this.

You’re working toward a $5,000 major gift.This donor used to:

Return your calls immediately
Happily meet you for lunch
Engage easily and often

And then… nothing.

No returned calls.No response.Radio silence.

When I first started fundraising, my reaction to situations like this was usually an overreaction.

I’d think:

Did I say something wrong?
Did I offend them?
Did they lose interest in our mission?
Are they giving to another nonprofit?

Sound familiar?

The Perspective That Changes Everything

Here’s what I eventually learned—and what I want you to remember:

A donor’s willingness to give—and the size of their gift—may have nothing to do with you or your nonprofit.

And everything to do with their life circumstances.

Stuff happens.

What Might Really Be Going On

A donor may be quiet because:

They’ve had unexpected surgery
They’re buying or selling a home
They’re dealing with a major tax bill
They’re moving out of state
They’re overwhelmed, stressed, or even depressed

None of that has anything to do with your ask, your mission, or your effectiveness.

The First Rule: Don’t Sweat What You Can’t Control

When a donor is facing adversity or major life change:

Lead with empathy
Show grace
Exercise patience

Instead of pushing for the gift:

Ask how they’d like to stay connected
Ask how often they want updates
Keep the pressure off

Turn compassion on, not urgency.

When donors feel cared for as people—not wallets—you earn trust that lasts far beyond a single gift.

Why Compassion Pays Off

When donors realize you care more about them than their money:

Relationships deepen
Trust grows
Giving often follows—when the time is right

This approach doesn’t just win hearts.It often wins pocketbooks too.

But Here’s the Other Side of the Coin

While you shouldn’t stress over what you can’t control, you absolutely should focus on what you can control.

Because sometimes a donor’s decision has everything to do with you and your organization.

What You Can Control in Fundraising

Donors may stop giving because:

They were never properly thanked
They felt unappreciated
Communication felt impersonal
Follow-through was unreliable
Impact wasn’t clearly explained

They may give less—or delay giving—because:

They don’t understand the difference their gift makes
They receive generic emails instead of personal outreach
The donor experience feels flat or transactional

This is where great fundraisers separate themselves from average ones.

Sweat the Stuff That Actually Matters

To be a standout fundraiser, you must continually improve:

Donor relations
Customer service
Communication quality
Programming impact

Your goal is to ensure that every donor interaction feels intentional, personal, and meaningful.

Because when donors feel:

Valued
Appreciated
Informed
Respected

They stay longer—and they give more.

Key Takeaways

Donor silence often has nothing to do with you
Life circumstances can delay or stop giving
Empathy and patience build long-term trust
You should not control the uncontrollable
You must improve what you can control
Exceptional donor experiences drive loyalty

Summary

What do you do "When a Donor Goes Quiet?"

Great fundraising requires both perspective and discipline.

Don’t beat yourself up over things you can’t control.But absolutely sweat the things you can.

Improve donor care.Elevate communication.Show impact clearly.Treat donors like people—not transactions.

Because happy, satisfied donors become loyal, generous donors.

And yes—sometimes doing the small things right requires a little extra effort.

Break a sweat. It’s worth it.

Tom Iselin

Rated One of America’s Best Board Retreat

and Strategic Planning Facilitators

About the Author

Tom Iselin is recognized as one of America’s leading authorities on high-performance nonprofits. He has built nine sector-leading nonprofits and two software companies, written six books, sits on multiple boards, and has been rated one of America’s Best Board Retreat and Strategic Planning Facilitators. His work on nonprofit strategy, board leadership, and culture has been featured on CNN, Nightline, and in Newsweek.

Tom is the president of First Things First, a firm specializing in board retreats, strategic planning services, fundraising strategy, and executive coaching for nonprofit CEOs.

Board Retreats & Strategic Planning

If you’re looking for a board retreat facilitator or strategic planning facilitator who has been in the trenches and understands real-world nonprofit challenges, Tom can help your board gain clarity, build alignment, and create an actionable plan that improves performance and impact. His sessions propel organizations to the next level of performance and impact . . . and they're fun!

Board Retreats and Strategic Planning Services: