Why the “Give or Get” Policy Is Broken—and What to Use Instead

Tom Iselin
Aug 12, 2015
4 min read

Updated: Dec 13, 2025

Many nonprofit boards have "Give and Get" fundraising policies for its board members. But is this an effective policy? In this blog, Tom goes on an informative and entertaining rant about why the Give and Get policy is a failed one, and why the "Give and Help Get" is a better alternative.

Why the “Give or Get” Policy Is Broken—

and What to Use Instead

In the next few minutes, I want to talk about the dreaded “give or get” policy—and why it’s one of the most ineffective, frustrating, and frankly lame fundraising policies nonprofits continue to use.

This topic gets me so riled up it makes my hair stand on end.

Let me explain why.

What the “Give or Get” Policy Looks Like in Real Life

Picture this.

You’re a board member at a small nonprofit that runs a soup kitchen. It’s fundraising season, and the board chair stands up and announces:

“I want to remind everyone of our $5,000 give-or-get policy. You either need to give $5,000 personally—or raise $5,000 from people you know.”

Sound familiar?

On paper, it looks fair.In reality, it’s deeply flawed.

Why “Give or Get” Is a Failed Policy

Let’s look at two very different board members.

Scenario One: The Wealthy CEO

You’re a millionaire CEO sitting on the board.

To meet your obligation:

You write a $5,000 check
No meetings
No calls
No tapping your network
Done

You technically complied—but you weren’t truly engaged.

Scenario Two: The Single Parent

Now imagine a single parent working at a preschool earning $27,000 a year.

There is:

No ability to write a $5,000 check
Little access to wealthy networks
Possibly no sales or fundraising experience

This board member feels:

Stressed
Ashamed
Pressured
Set up to fail

That’s not equity.That’s dysfunction.

When Forced Fundraising Backfires

When people are pressured to ask for money—and they’re uncomfortable or unskilled—bad things happen:

A donor gets turned off and says no
A donor gives less because the ask was ineffective
A donor stops giving altogether
A donor has a bad experience and tells friends
A board member quits under pressure

None of this helps your organization.

The Real Problem with “Give or Get”

At its core, the give-or-get policy fails because it:

Lets people with deep pockets off the hook
Places an unfair burden on people with shallow pockets
Creates resentment instead of ownership
Produces irritated board members
Caps fundraising potential

From my experience, boards with give-or-get policies often:

Dread fundraising
Avoid responsibility
Underperform financially

A Better Alternative: “Give and Help Get”

There is a better, more effective approach.

I call it the “Give and Help Get” policy.

Here’s how it works.

The “Give” Part: Everyone Gives—No Exceptions

Every board member should make a personal gift.

Why?

Because if you’re not willing to financially support the organization you govern, why should anyone else?

That said, gifts should be meaningful based on capacity.

Examples:

A board member earning $27,000 might give $250
A millionaire might give $50,000

Equal sacrifice.Different amounts.

That’s fairness.

The “Help Get” Part: Everyone Contributes Differently

Every board member should also help support fundraising—but based on their skills, interests, and influence, not fear.

Examples:

A wealthy CEO might:

Make strategic introductions
Host small dinner gatherings
Open doors to other major donors
Nurture high-level relationships

A community-based board member might:

Speak at civic groups
Make thank-you calls
Introduce local business owners
Build grassroots support

Everyone participates.No one is forced into a role they hate or fail at.

Why “Give and Help Get” Actually Works

Unlike give-or-get, this approach:

Encourages engagement
Respects differences in capacity
Builds teamwork
Expands fundraising reach
Creates happier board members
Raises more money

When people give according to ability and contribute according to strengths, fundraising stops being toxic—and starts being effective.

Key Takeaways

“Give or get” policies are inequitable and outdated
They discourage engagement and cap fundraising success
Forced asking leads to poor donor experiences
“Give and help get” aligns contribution with capacity and skill
Engaged boards outperform resentful boards

Summary

The give-or-get policy irritates board members and stifles fundraising potential.

The give-and-help-get policy does the opposite.

If you want:

A healthier board culture
More engaged board members
Better donor experiences
And significantly more money raised

Do your board a favor.

Replace your give-or-get policy with give and help get.

You’ll thank yourself—and so will your donors.

Tom Iselin

Rated One of America’s Best Board Retreat

and Strategic Planning Facilitators

About the Author

Tom Iselin is recognized as one of America’s leading authorities on high-performance nonprofits. He has built nine sector-leading nonprofits and two software companies, written six books, sits on multiple boards, and has been rated one of America’s Best Board Retreat and Strategic Planning Facilitators. His work on nonprofit strategy, board leadership, and culture has been featured on CNN, Nightline, and in Newsweek.

Tom is the president of First Things First, a firm specializing in board retreats, strategic planning services, fundraising strategy, and executive coaching for nonprofit CEOs.

Board Retreats & Strategic Planning

If you’re looking for a board retreat facilitator or strategic planning facilitator who has been in the trenches and understands real-world nonprofit challenges, Tom can help your board gain clarity, build alignment, and create an actionable plan that improves performance and impact. His sessions propel organizations to the next level of performance and impact . . . and they're fun!

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